Who Needs Teeth or Trousers?

This week has already seen me on a downward spiral of ridiculousness as my teeth fell victim to my terrible addiction to all things sweet.

I could quite happily continue to feast on a diet solely consisting of chocolate, cookies and donuts but my teeth have already suffered terribly. I have at least 8 fillings and dental check-ups are few and far between.

About 6 months ago one of my fillings came out but it didn’t cause me any trouble so I thought I would wait to see my dentist until I had inflicted immense pain to the other side of my mouth, due to excessive usage and only chewing food on my ‘good side’.

Long story short, I contracted a tooth infection. It was painful. In fact, I would rather have gone through childbirth again. I kept waking up in the night with the constant throbbing of my jaw which spread down my neck so my dentist booked me in for an emergency appointment.

Unfortunately, despite being seen by my dentist just 4 days previously for a consultation (where she advised that I needed substantial work) she only booked me in for a half hour appointment which meant she only had time to fix one tooth on one side. She gave me some antibiotics and I started to feel better again.

Yesterday was Monday. Monday was my ridiculous day. I got out of bed refreshed and ready to return to work and my day was going quite swimmingly until I crunched on a lettuce leaf and half of my tooth fell out. I completely freaked out. I had visions of my new ‘Worzel Gummidge’ image and managed to find an emergency dentist near my work who booked an appointment for a temporary filling. The ironic thing is, on my way to work I bought myself a fancy new electronic tooth brush and vowed to start looking after my teeth. To love and protect them, forever and ever. Two hours later, one decided to die on me. I didn’t realize my teeth had commitment issues.

So, that doesn’t sound too ridiculous. I have bad teeth. So What? Well… it wouldn’t have been so bad if the dentist hadn’t have given me enough anesthetic to knock out a large mule. And it definitely wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t have had a meeting looking like a stroke victim who was obliviously dribbling boiling tea down my chin.




It gets better. Just before I entered the meeting I went to the toilet and the side zip on my trousers decided to break. Fantastic.

The poor man in my meeting didn’t know where to look as I hobbled in (my knee keeps seizing up, causing me to limp) clutching the side of my trousers and trying to discreetly take off my scarf one handed in fear of the fact that if I used my other hand my trousers would fall down. It wasn’t that type of meeting.

I got back to my office, safe in the knowledge that I was hidden from the public eye and planned an after work tipple (or two) with a friend to celebrate it being the end of Monday (before getting myself some new trousers of course).

They say bad luck comes in threes, so there was my three for the day. Haven’t I painted a picture of pure beauty? A dribbling, limping, mumbling ‘professional’ making a lasting impression on a client. One thing is for sure though… I did look pretty cool whilst I was in the dentist….